"Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution..."

"...long after the mood in which it was made has left you."  ~ Cavett Robert

Alright folks, it's time to get my shit together. It's been a fantastic year in many ways, but I've also been feeling...low? disappointed? Not quite depressed but just meh regarding some of the things I used to have time for. And though I enjoy my job, it's not an easy place for upward mobility and new challenges. So I'm in a funk, to be frank.

Having turned 30 this past September (which wasn't a terrible birthday) and following it with an awful month of losing two pets abruptly, I'm ready for some good cheer and new goals.  I am NOT going to call them resolutions because I don't like the New Year's resolution ideas- they are so temporary. These are permanent goals I will always have.

1. Get back to the gym and get in shape again. I haven't belonged to one since the birth of my daughter (and THAT'S been 18 months...) and I really need both the physical workout and the highs from it. I can do yoga at home sometimes but I need a place away from home to stay committed.

2. Get back into blogging again. I never set deadlines or goals for myself, just some projects here and there. But I miss writing and showing some of my crafts. I don't have quite as much time for it and the focus has often shifted to child crafts, but I still enjoy this avenue of sharing.

3. I didn't really have a set goal to do for my 30th birthday or even a written bucket list. I would like to start accumulating little ideas for a bucket list. When I think of them, I'll jot them down (or hopefully write them all here!).

I think that's it for now. I just want to get a little of ME back, you know? Stay tuned for a post on my bucket list and two I've recently accomplished without realizing it!

Two roads diverged in a wood...

I can't wait to take photos and upload them, but so far I have 2 out of 3 sets completed for the auction. My collection of handbound books is finished (although I am not totally happy with how they turned out, I made some poor color choices), as well as the set of three canvas art pieces that tie in together. The scarf is almost finished (that's really been taking me awhile) and I might make a couple extra small jewelry pieces, plus I'll decorate the box for the jewelry. If I'm lucky, it will all be completed tonight and you all will get to see it. I did get some of my business cards the other day, which was exciting. Now if only people would like my stuff and want to buy it... I'm eager to start posting things on Etsy.

With the advent of me devoting time to making art, as well as the contemplation of children, I feel like I am standing at a crossroads and I'm trying to delay the decision as long as possible. On one side, I enjoy my job and I'd like to stay there a while longer. I've also just submitted a paper for publication and I really enjoy research. Perhaps it's something I will continue to do. And even further down the road, I could contemplate my PhD. I might even continue to have more time for my art. That's probably a big "might". But the other path would lead me to having kids, which hubby and I have more seriously discussed lately. We both want them (well, at least one) and I look forward to staying home with my child, being able to cook more, and coming up with creative crafts for my kids. I like being home and cleaning and organizing. I like coming up with activities and places to go to keep my kids entertained and learning. But that would mean I'd have to quit my job, probably not even think about research or a PhD until I'm in my late 30s or 40s. And I may or may not get a chance to work on my art since I would technically be at home more often. But the arts and crafts that I do satisfies something in me, just like all my other hobbies and interests. I don't want to have no time for it. I like the world to be more organized, cleaner, and far more beautiful than when I entered. (Have you seen our house remodel photos?)

Hubby and I decided to at least continue to postpone kids for now, have some time to ourselves once our house guests leave. But then I had a startlingly vivid dream last night in which we had a baby boy named Brandon who weighed 5lbs 2 oz (tiny, I know). Everyone kept asking how much weight I had gained because I didn't look pregnant. I seemed surprised that I had had a baby, not to mention the fact that it was relatively easy in the dream. Too bad that can't be real life!

I'm not one to contemplate this over and over again, let it worry and stress me out. I trust that the future will bring me something I enjoy as long as I keep making decisions that make me happy. I just wonder which path I'm going to take. Or perhaps I can combine the two smaller paths into one wide road? Just a thought.